Have you had the experience where a healthcare professional seems to speak in a condescending manner to you or to your older parent? Have you been called “sweetie” or “dear” one time too often? How about when the healthcare worker asks a question like “What would we like for dinner?”
Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist who realized how ageism was affecting older adults in healthcare situations when she was the caregiver for her parents. She is a writer, speaker, educator and advocate for redefining aging in our society.
In this episode we talk about ageism in the healthcare industry. Healthcare professionals have been exhausted after several years of dealing with the pandemic. Many have left the profession. How can we advocate for ourselves in an environment where doctors and nurses a feeling stretched to the limit?
One thing to remember is that we are consumers of healthcare; we are the buyers and we have rights and responsibilities as the consumers.
We answered the question about what to look for, and how to go about, shopping for doctors. When you think about it, we take more time shopping for a car then we do for a doctor, but our bodies are going to hopefully last much longer than our latest car.
Jeanette explained who should be on our care team and how they would best work together.
We covered her Smart Patient tips, which follow the acronym HEALTH.
- Higher your team
- Enlist a care partner
- Ask effective questions
- Learn about your body
- Take care and control of your care
- Have vital plans in place
Thanks so much for listening.
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You can email me with questions or comments at wendy@heyboomer.biz
_
Wendy Green is a Certified Life Coach, working with people going through the
sometimes uncomfortable life transition from full-time work to “what’s next.”
Find out more about Wendy’s 6-week “What’s Next Transition” Coaching workshop
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You can find Jeanette at jeanetteleardi.com
Our website is heyboomer.biz
Our Road Scholar sponsor can be found at roadscholar.org/heyboomer
Transcript
Hello. Welcome to the Hey Boomer show.
Speaker:She was in her late forties, early fifties when she became the primary caregiver for
Speaker:both of her parents.
Speaker:She lived in North Carolina.
Speaker:They were in Florida, which meant a lot of traveling back and forth and working to get
Speaker:them the care they wanted and they needed.
Speaker:But she witnessed her parents not receiving the care that they wanted or needed because
Speaker:they were perceived as old and, you know, very old.
Speaker:Well, how much attention do you really need?
Speaker:Not always true, but it does happen.
Speaker:This was particularly the case with her mother, who passed away in 1995 from breast
Speaker:cancer that had metastasized.
Speaker:Eventually, she got her father to relocate from Florida to North Carolina to be closer
Speaker:to her, and she was better able to oversee the care that he received.
Speaker:He passed in 2003.
Speaker:Jeanette already was changed by the experience of a decade of caregiving for both
Speaker:of her parents.
Speaker:She was inspired to pursue an encore career different from the work she had been doing
Speaker:because of her perception of how the aging process has impacted us as older adults.
Speaker:And she wants to help people appreciate elders inherent dignity, wisdom and unique
Speaker:value as mentors and catalysts for social change.
Speaker:And as a result of this experience and going back to school.
Speaker:She became a social gerontologist.
Speaker:So you will meet Jeanette Liedtke in just a moment.
Speaker:Welcome to the Hay Boomer Show.
Speaker:My name is Wendy Green, and I am the host of Hey, Boomer.
Speaker:Today we're going to talk about what happens in a health care environment that might make
Speaker:you feel helpless or confused and frightened and how to advocate for yourself or your
Speaker:loved one when faced with this situation.
Speaker:I'm on a mission to support and inspire older adults in this next act of our lives,
Speaker:to find new beginnings, confront endings and transitions, and evolve into who they want to
Speaker:be. That mission is the fuel that keeps me motivated.
Speaker:And I hope that you find inspiration and motivation with the stories that we share.
Speaker:On. Hey, Boomer.
Speaker:I am, as you probably know, hosting a trip to Costa Rica in June of 2023
Speaker:and on Tuesday, tomorrow at 530, I will be doing a joint webinar with Rhodes
Speaker:Scholar to talk to the designer of this program and the guide of the program so we
Speaker:can learn even more about what we are going to experience when we go to Costa Rica.
Speaker:If you're interested in checking out and registering for the webinar, you can just go
Speaker:to the website at Hey Boomer Biz.
Speaker:There's a button there that says Costa Rica webinar and you can click on that to sign up.
Speaker:So I hope you'll join us.
Speaker:I hope you'll join us in Costa Rica.
Speaker:It's a small group, 18 people.
Speaker:So hope to see you all there.
Speaker:Let's bring Jeanette on.
Speaker:Hello, Janette.
Speaker:Hi there, Wendy.
Speaker:Thanks for inviting me.
Speaker:So glad to have you.
Speaker:And welcome to the show.
Speaker:Let me.
Speaker:I feel very welcome.
Speaker:And you are?
Speaker:Jeanette Liard is a social gerontologist, as I mentioned.
Speaker:A community educator, writer, editor, public speaker and aging wellness leader who has a
Speaker:passion for older adult empowerment and finds special personal fulfillment.
Speaker:Helping boomers and older generations identify and share their wisdom with others.
Speaker:She accomplishes this through her publications and successful presentations and
Speaker:classes in journaling, spiritual writing, memoir, writing, brain fitness, health
Speaker:literacy, ageism, intergenerational communication, creativity and caregiving
Speaker:support to people of all ages.
Speaker:Wow. We cannot cover all of that in 45 minutes.
Speaker:So let's focus on what we're going to talk about.
Speaker:But as I mentioned in the intro, Jeanette, you did a total career change, went back to
Speaker:school after your father passed.
Speaker:What was that like making that total change and going back to school?
Speaker:You know, I had some trepidations about it because although I, you know, I was last in a
Speaker:university setting when I got my master's in English.
Speaker:But then there I was in my fifties thinking, well, can I do the same thing?
Speaker:You know, remembering back in my college days and university days, you know, writing
Speaker:papers and taking tests and could I remember all the material and would I be able to learn
Speaker:new things and retain what I'm learning and how would I get along with the other
Speaker:students? So I had some trepidations and it turned out that I wasn't the only older
Speaker:person in that class, or about three or four of us in the graduate program, but and the
Speaker:rest were in their late twenties.
Speaker:And it was a wonderful experience because of the fact that we just really shared so much
Speaker:and learned so much from each other.
Speaker:You know, the younger people in the class seem to have a lot of misconceptions about
Speaker:older people, just like older people can have misconceptions about younger people.
Speaker:And so we were able to straighten each other out as to the fact that we're we're all we
Speaker:have a lot more in common than we think we do.
Speaker:So it was a great experience.
Speaker:We do. And you managed to take your tests and write your papers and.
Speaker:Yeah, but you know what?
Speaker:Actually, because it was taught by gerontologist, we gerontologist understand
Speaker:how the older brain changes as we as we age.
Speaker:And so they constructed the classes in such a way that, that there wasn't as much
Speaker:memorization involved, that there was more creative problem solving involved and all of
Speaker:that. So my needs were being met and the younger students need to be met too.
Speaker:So that was a very well constructed program.
Speaker:Perfect. Perfect.
Speaker:Well, I want to get into this whole advocating for ourselves as we get older in
Speaker:the medical arena.
Speaker:And so my first question is finding a doctor.
Speaker:You know, you move to a new community.
Speaker:A lot of us have are new where I live.
Speaker:And you just find a doctor on your insurance plan and you go and you're like, oh, he
Speaker:didn't he didn't talk very long.
Speaker:He didn't ask me questions. She didn't you know, she seemed to be looking at her watch,
Speaker:ready to go. How do you doctor shop?
Speaker:Really good question.
Speaker:Really good question. Keep in mind that COVID has changed a lot, changed the entire
Speaker:medical system a lot.
Speaker:But but some of the basics are still very valuable and very important.
Speaker:What the first thing I would say to an older adult, by the way, I'm 70 years old, so I
Speaker:always say what my age is no matter whenever I'm given the opportunity, because I think we
Speaker:need to start to correct people's minds about what what does a 70 year old look like?
Speaker:Well, this is what this 70 year old looks like.
Speaker:You can't make judgments as in general, as to what an old person looks like.
Speaker:So anyway, I'm 70.
Speaker:What the biggest change, the biggest attitude shift that we need to make, a lot of
Speaker:us as older adults.
Speaker:And this I found this with my parents too was that we tended a lot of older people tend
Speaker:to see the doctor as a higher up authority and they don't want to make waves, they don't
Speaker:want to ask questions, don't rock the boat.
Speaker:Whatever the doctor says is fine.
Speaker:I had to convince my parents to understand that we are consumers of health care.
Speaker:Patients are consumers.
Speaker:We're not victims that are looking for rescue.
Speaker:We should be seeing we should see ourselves as consumers.
Speaker:We spend more time shopping for a car in a house than we do for a doctor.
Speaker:When you think about it, I mean, our bodies isn't that aren't they the most important
Speaker:things in our lives?
Speaker:Yeah. So so to have that mindset that we deserve the care that we want and that we
Speaker:need. So in order to shop for a doctor, a lot of times people will go to ask friends,
Speaker:you know, who's your doctor?
Speaker:If you have a friend who raves about his or her doctor, well, you might want to check
Speaker:that person out.
Speaker:If you already have a doctor of a specialty or even a GP that you trust, but you're
Speaker:looking for somebody else that's more of a specialist or vice versa.
Speaker:Ask that doctor who you know me best, who would you suggest I look up and then you can
Speaker:with any doctor that you look for always, you can always look up their background.
Speaker:There are state medical boards and county medical boards, and if you go to their
Speaker:websites and you type in the doctor's name, you should be able to get information as to
Speaker:where that doctor went to school, what what years they went to school, what their if they
Speaker:were on any fellowships, are they board certified?
Speaker:It's very important to get doctors that are board certified and if there are any
Speaker:judgments or actions against them.
Speaker:So that's a good place to find out that information.
Speaker:I'll tell you.
Speaker:And I'm just curious, when you said board certified, I would imagine I would have
Speaker:thought they're all board certified or they can't be practicing.
Speaker:Is that not true?
Speaker:Not really. They could be in the process of studying for their board certification.
Speaker:So they could be residents and they could be, you know, it depends.
Speaker:Yeah. But it's always good to and also to see how long ago they were board certified
Speaker:because certain practices require people to keep up in their fields.
Speaker:So you might want to know if that person is keeping up in his or her field.
Speaker:I'll tell you a story about how I found my father.
Speaker:Really good cardiac care when I moved him to where I was living in North Carolina.
Speaker:I won't recommend this technique, but this book people have people have complimented me
Speaker:on my my originality.
Speaker:I knew he needed a cardiologist.
Speaker:I knew general practitioners that I thought I could recommend to him that he might feel
Speaker:comfortable with. But as far as a cardiologist, I didn't know.
Speaker:So I went to the hospital system, the hospital that I knew I wanted, where I would
Speaker:want him to have the best care.
Speaker:And I went to the nurses stations of the ICU, the stepdown unit, the cardiac floors.
Speaker:And I just ask them, I said, Look, I'm moving my father to here.
Speaker:Who what cardiologist would you want taking care of you in your family?
Speaker:And they gave a couple of names and the same names kept popping up.
Speaker:And this one name was always the first one.
Speaker:Most of them said, Oh, this doctor, he's great.
Speaker:I would definitely. So I decided, let me start with this guy.
Speaker:And I called him up even before I moved, my father and my father moved to North Carolina.
Speaker:I called him up and I set up an appointment and he met with me before my father even was
Speaker:in town. And he spoke with me and answered my questions.
Speaker:And then once my father came to town, I set up another appointment where he could meet
Speaker:him and give his my father's approval of This is the guy, Right?
Speaker:And he was wonderful.
Speaker:He was amazing.
Speaker:And the point about shopping.
Speaker:A good doctor is you want to look for certain things.
Speaker:You want them to be compassionate.
Speaker:You want them to be competent.
Speaker:You want them to be good communicators and and candid with you.
Speaker:So if they're the right fit for you, that's what you need.
Speaker:Remember your if you're going to shop for the car that suits you or the house that
Speaker:suits you, you need to shop for the doctor that suits you.
Speaker:I love that story.
Speaker:That's it. That was a brilliant idea.
Speaker:Yeah. I'm sure many hospitals would agree to doing that these days.
Speaker:Well, maybe not, but this.
Speaker:Was back in the 19 in the early 2000.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Yeah. Well, you know, maybe.
Speaker:Maybe they're letting us back in some places.
Speaker:But it's an interesting idea.
Speaker:And, you know, a lot of times we feel like take so much time.
Speaker:You go, you set up an appointment, you go meet one doctor, you don't like them.
Speaker:So you know, you've got to go meet another doctor know.
Speaker:So it does take time.
Speaker:But as you said, your body, you're going to have this body for 60, 70, 80 and more.
Speaker:You're never going to have a car that long.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Right. So why not take as much time shopping for your own health care, Right.
Speaker:I like that. That's a really good point.
Speaker:So now we found the doctor and so you want to prepare for the visit and you know, a lot
Speaker:of places also now, Jeanette, they're not letting you bring somebody in with you
Speaker:because of COVID.
Speaker:And I know you talk about having a care team, so we might want to discuss that.
Speaker:But even if you can't bring somebody in with you, how do you prepare to go in for your
Speaker:visit with the doctor?
Speaker:First of.
Speaker:All.
Speaker:We doctors and nurses and all health care practitioners, they really want to help us.
Speaker:So we need to do the most we can to help them.
Speaker:Now they have a real limited amount of time to spend with us.
Speaker:I don't know if people are aware of this, but the average amount of time that a doctor
Speaker:usually spends with a patient is about 15 minutes.
Speaker:It could be longer, but a lot of times it's only about 15 minutes.
Speaker:And an interesting study was done in 2018 about how long it takes a doctor to interrupt
Speaker:a patient when a patient is first talking about, well, here's why I want to see you
Speaker:today. It can range from anywhere from 3 seconds to about 230 seconds, and the average
Speaker:is 11 seconds.
Speaker:Wow. You have very, very.
Speaker:Now, that's I'm not sure I buy that because my doctors listen to me and maybe they just
Speaker:used to me. But I think my doctors treat other patients the same way, too.
Speaker:But the most important point is have come with a couple of questions prepared.
Speaker:Two or three questions.
Speaker:What are your biggest concerns?
Speaker:Why do you want to Why are you there today if you can't bring anyone with you?
Speaker:I would suggest and you have a hard time remembering what the doctors say because
Speaker:they're going to load us up with a lot of information very quickly.
Speaker:You can even ask if you could tape record them.
Speaker:I've brought a tape recorder to doctor's offices.
Speaker:Say, can I tape our discussion?
Speaker:Because I want to remember what you say.
Speaker:Most doctors I've found have no problem with that at all because it's like taking notes.
Speaker:But instead of writing down, you're listening to a tape recorder.
Speaker:So have two or three questions.
Speaker:Even if you think if something is bothering you, that's unusual but you don't think is
Speaker:related to your main issue, you might want to raise that question anyway because doctors
Speaker:are detectives and they may know that the thing that you think is unrelated might
Speaker:actually be related.
Speaker:So raise that question as well.
Speaker:So if you can't bring a friend with you or a child, I'm not sure.
Speaker:I mean, I think it might in the practices that I go to, as long as you're wearing a
Speaker:mask, they would let a family member in everybody's mask but bring an updated medical
Speaker:history. This is what I do.
Speaker:I keep a medical my medical history on file on my computer.
Speaker:And every time something with my medications, my vaccinations, my family
Speaker:history, all that stuff, it's only two pages long.
Speaker:And then every time something is different, I type it in in red, I print it out.
Speaker:And the good thing about bringing up an updated medical history is that you don't
Speaker:have to fill out the clipboard every time you see the check.
Speaker:How many times have you gone to a doctor where you have the same clipboard and you're
Speaker:answering the same 40 questions?
Speaker:I just see attached and I put the thing right on the board.
Speaker:That's a good idea.
Speaker:They see what's new and what needs to be changed.
Speaker:But you do. But you do talk about a care team.
Speaker:So tell me what that means.
Speaker:A care team is more than just you.
Speaker:And maybe the person, your care partner, which you need to.
Speaker:You really should have a care partner, especially if you think you're going to be in
Speaker:the hospital. It's really important to have somebody with you.
Speaker:If you don't have somebody with you know that there are patient representatives in the
Speaker:hospital who can help people as well.
Speaker:They can serve as your liaison, but your care team is more than just you and your
Speaker:doctor. It's you, your doctor, maybe the other doctors.
Speaker:A lot of us older adults have many chronic conditions, two or three different
Speaker:conditions. So we have. And specialists.
Speaker:So they're all they should be part of the team, the nurses should be part of the team.
Speaker:If there's a social worker involved, that person should be part of the team.
Speaker:So the important thing is that they all work together.
Speaker:And then the other important thing is that you're hearing the information from a
Speaker:centrally located person.
Speaker:I had experience with my mother where she was under a neurosurgeons care and also a
Speaker:gastroenterologist care and various other specialties.
Speaker:And I kept hearing different stories, different plans of what they wanted to do.
Speaker:So I finally said to my mother's primary care physician, I said, Can you be the
Speaker:mission control and let everybody report to you?
Speaker:And then you tell us what they plan to do and we'll all work it out together.
Speaker:So that's what a care team should be.
Speaker:They're all working together and you should be the focus of your care.
Speaker:So there's something called person centered care that I was searching for my parents for
Speaker:a long time to get them not institutional care, which is care that's convenient to the
Speaker:institution. Oh, we only serve breakfast from this hour to this hour.
Speaker:Or this is you have to take your shower at this time.
Speaker:But to do things that are more comfortable for the individual patient.
Speaker:So person centered care is is really important and and you should be the focus of
Speaker:all your care. So that's what I would recommend.
Speaker:Yeah. We have a question here from Josephine.
Speaker:She says that, you know, when she goes to her doctor, she feels like she has good
Speaker:communication with her doctor and they compile all of her information on the
Speaker:computer. But apparently where she lives, once she goes into the hospital, the
Speaker:connection between the doctor's records and the hospital records are not attached.
Speaker:And so she wonders how she can get consistent care and and not have mistakes
Speaker:made so that, yeah, it works better.
Speaker:Oh, that sounds bad.
Speaker:Josephine.
Speaker:Yeah, that's that's a that's a serious problem.
Speaker:I don't know how affiliated the practice that she goes to is with the hospital.
Speaker:The practices that I go to, they are, they have the same medical records as the hospital
Speaker:system. So when a doctor enters something, the hospital has that information.
Speaker:So it's a matter of how the administration and the practice are working together.
Speaker:I would raise that question with the administrator of the practice and or the
Speaker:administrator of the hospital.
Speaker:How can those be coordinated?
Speaker:Because that's where medical mistakes can happen.
Speaker:If definitely.
Speaker:Those things aren't shared.
Speaker:Yeah, good question.
Speaker:Definitely. Yeah.
Speaker:So my mother recently was in the hospital.
Speaker:She broke her kneecap.
Speaker:Ouch. And, you know, her husband was also there and and I was there.
Speaker:And so sometimes it's a fine line to walk, to advocate and not be, you know, and still
Speaker:maintain their dignity.
Speaker:Right. And respect that they are both intelligent human beings who can also she was
Speaker:in a lot of pain so she couldn't do much advocating but.
Speaker:What kind of suggestions do you have to handle that kind of a situation?
Speaker:Well. First of all, everybody should have a health care power of attorney, a sign,
Speaker:someone who will be making the decisions in the event that you can't make the decisions
Speaker:for yourself.
Speaker:So that health care power of attorney should should be calling the shots when you're not
Speaker:able to should be communicating with the doctors and all of that.
Speaker:But it's also very clear that you communicate to your health care power of
Speaker:attorney. This is what I want done.
Speaker:This is what I don't want done.
Speaker:A lot of times older adults don't want to have these conversations with their kids,
Speaker:whoever they are hoping would take care of them, help them, because it's an
Speaker:uncomfortable conversation.
Speaker:But these conversations, the earlier you can have them, the better off you are, because
Speaker:then you have the greater presence of mind and greater physical ability to say, this is
Speaker:the stuff I want happening.
Speaker:Do not ever have this done to me under any circumstances.
Speaker:And the people don't want to have these conversations because they don't want to
Speaker:worry their kids. Actually, you really relieving your children of a great deal of
Speaker:guilt and responsibility if they know very clearly what you want.
Speaker:I was my parents health care power of attorney, and so I saw my position as not
Speaker:advocating for what I wanted, but for what they wanted, even if sometimes I would have
Speaker:taken a different path.
Speaker:I knew this is what they wanted.
Speaker:And that was my job. My job was to be a substitute, a surrogate for them.
Speaker:So in your situation, Wendy, I would say the health care power of attorney needs to know
Speaker:what everybody's priorities are, especially your mother's, and to be working with the
Speaker:doctors on that.
Speaker:Yeah. Which was the health care power of attorney, wasn't there?
Speaker:That was my sister.
Speaker:Yeah. And so it was, you know, the doctors would come in and be very gruff.
Speaker:The particular hospitalist there.
Speaker:He was very gruff.
Speaker:And, you know, my stepfather would try and get some care and they would ignore him, I
Speaker:think, because he was older.
Speaker:My mother was older.
Speaker:You know, we'll get to you when we get to you.
Speaker:Oh.
Speaker:Until I got there, you know, And then I stepped in.
Speaker:And I wanted to also be sure, though, that I wasn't, like taking over, you know, because
Speaker:they still are competent human beings.
Speaker:It's just that they were being ignored.
Speaker:And that really annoyed me.
Speaker:Yeah. Right, exactly.
Speaker:That's a that's a tough situation.
Speaker:I would also say that the way we communicate with doctors, they are they are rushed, but
Speaker:they also a lot of times they you know, they feel that they're the experts.
Speaker:The realistic thing is we are the experts of our own body.
Speaker:Not even a doctor knows our body better than we know our body in certain ways.
Speaker:So that to to establish a relationship with the doctor where it's not this power
Speaker:structure, but that your peers, your a team, the doctor can supply you with information.
Speaker:You can supply the doctor with information.
Speaker:Again, going back to my father's situation, the doctors that that we found for him that
Speaker:he and I picked out for him, they were actually our advocates in the hospital with
Speaker:the nursing team, because every time my father had to be transferred to a different
Speaker:unit, I had to get used to a whole new team.
Speaker:They had to get used to me and him.
Speaker:But the doctors would be the ones that would say, We know who she is.
Speaker:We know who he is. She's not going to ask you for a lot, but when she asks you for
Speaker:something, really pay attention to it because she knows her father best.
Speaker:So they were the ones that actually moved the path for me with all these teams.
Speaker:And again, nurses are overwhelmed and boy, oh boy, has COVID done a number on the
Speaker:hospital systems. People are leaving the profession.
Speaker:It's just really hard.
Speaker:So, so hard.
Speaker:You're right. Now there is the idea.
Speaker:I know you're from New York, but here in the South, you know, you don't want to offend
Speaker:anybody. And so when the nurse comes in and she says, well, have we had our shower yet
Speaker:today? Or they say, Hi, sweetie.
Speaker:How is how is your breakfast?
Speaker:Stan. They're trying to be nice, but it can also be very condescending and infantilizing.
Speaker:And how do you handle that in a way that says, I appreciate your trying to be nice,
Speaker:but I please don't talk to me.
Speaker:I don't know how your shower was.
Speaker:Just anticipated what my my answer would be As a New Yorker, I say, Well, I've had my
Speaker:shower. Have you had yours?
Speaker:And they are trying to be nice.
Speaker:They consider it a compliment by by being affectionate or treating you as a younger
Speaker:person, sometimes speaking very loudly to us as if we're all deaf.
Speaker:You know, unless somebody says, Could you speak louder?
Speaker:I can hear you. There's no need to shout at an older person or to speak very slowly
Speaker:unless people request that of you.
Speaker:So that's called elder speak.
Speaker:All of that stuff is called Elder speak.
Speaker:There are ways of getting around it.
Speaker:You can use some some humor.
Speaker:Like I've taken my shower.
Speaker:Have you taken yours? Anything.
Speaker:But you can actually.
Speaker:I mean, you can you can actually say what you said.
Speaker:When do you say you know, I know you're being nice and thank you for being so
Speaker:courteous. To tell you the truth, you know, I can understand everything you're saying.
Speaker:And let's let's talk as if we're pretty much the same age.
Speaker:And I'll understand what you say, something like that.
Speaker:But. But recognize that they were trying to help.
Speaker:Here's the thing where ageism comes in.
Speaker:Why do why do they call a sweetie and beauty and all of that and say, young lady, Because
Speaker:in a society, being young is considered good.
Speaker:Being old is considered bad.
Speaker:So they're trying to ease the sorrow and sadness and frustration that we must have
Speaker:because we're old people.
Speaker:We must feel bad about being old, which is absolutely wrong.
Speaker:In many cases.
Speaker:Many cases.
Speaker:Not necessarily the case.
Speaker:And if we feel bad about being old, we need to adjust our attitudes.
Speaker:That's right. That's on us, right?
Speaker:That's on us. But they're trying to be nice.
Speaker:So there are ways of finding that middle ground.
Speaker:And then if if to call it somebody else's attention, you might speak to the nursing
Speaker:supervisor just to say, you know, I know your nurses really do want to help us, but
Speaker:have they thought about the fact that some of us might not like to be called sweetie or
Speaker:honey and to give them an alternative If the nurse calls you sweetie, young lady, I say,
Speaker:you know, you can call me Jeanette.
Speaker:I'm okay. That's right.
Speaker:If that works.
Speaker:Good suggestions.
Speaker:I know so.
Speaker:And it can be uncomfortable, you know, But I wonder if.
Speaker:I mean, you did mention ageism.
Speaker:And so certainly that does come in.
Speaker:You know, I've seen it and you've seen it.
Speaker:But I wonder if young people with that whole idea of doctors are so much smarter, if they
Speaker:also have difficulty advocating for themselves or even advocating for their
Speaker:parents?
Speaker:I would imagine that they do.
Speaker:They get the reverse kind of ageism where the doctors or the nurses or people older
Speaker:think you're too young to know.
Speaker:You're too young to understand.
Speaker:That's the reverse.
Speaker:Ageism goes both ways.
Speaker:We can be ages toward young people, too, to say, Oh, you're not a grown up yet.
Speaker:You don't really understand.
Speaker:You haven't had the you haven't had enough experience yet.
Speaker:One way that younger people can advocate is to become informed, you know, and young
Speaker:people and and many most old people to older people.
Speaker:We're great at using the internet.
Speaker:We'll come up with articles I read in the Journal of the American Medical Association
Speaker:that X, Y and Z.
Speaker:You know, that might take the doctor aback a little bit, but the doctor might say, Oh,
Speaker:this is a person who does some research and I can speak with this person in a different
Speaker:way than I could with people who don't do that.
Speaker:So come, come informed and prove, you know, you have to kind of prove yourself, I guess,
Speaker:that you do have the understanding and the maturity and the ability.
Speaker:There are a lot of younger people who are actually caregivers to older to their parents
Speaker:or their grandparents.
Speaker:Grandparents.
Speaker:Under the age of 18.
Speaker:So they can actually, you know, educate the doctor, say, you know, I've been taking care
Speaker:of my father, who has congestive heart failure for five years.
Speaker:I know I'm 17, but I've been taking care of him.
Speaker:So kind of show your credentials.
Speaker:It's almost as if we're you're applying for a job and here's your resume.
Speaker:Here's your here are your qualifications.
Speaker:I've been doing this for five years.
Speaker:You can talk to me. I understand what the meds are.
Speaker:So that that's a way of doing it, I guess, too.
Speaker:That's a good idea.
Speaker:Now, you've written several blogs about being a smart patient, being in tips for
Speaker:being a smart patient. I'm going to share your website so people can look for it there.
Speaker:But can you go through some of the tips that you have for being a smarter patient?
Speaker:Sure, Sure. The way I've organized them is I have six main tips and I call them my health
Speaker:tips because each tip begins with the first letter of the word of the letters of the word
Speaker:health. So it's h h so h is hire your team, which is what we talked about.
Speaker:You're hiring. You're the boss of.
Speaker:Of the of the group.
Speaker:You're going to do the hiring, enlist a care partner.
Speaker:So we've talked about a care partner is someone who really you know, you need to find
Speaker:someone who's going to really work and help you out and not be overwhelmed or too anxious
Speaker:or to abrasive or whatever.
Speaker:So you need to find somebody who's going to be your ambassador.
Speaker:Really? Ask effective questions.
Speaker:So when you're in the office or you're in the hospital and you're given a new
Speaker:medication, there's some questions you should ask.
Speaker:If you're going to be given a new medication, like a what's this medication
Speaker:for? B, what are its side effects?
Speaker:See, is there a way of doing something more natural that I don't have to take a medicine?
Speaker:A lot of times doctors will prescribe a medicine because they found that that's very
Speaker:effective. But a lot of times there may be some foods you can eat or some ways of
Speaker:adjusting your lifestyle.
Speaker:You could exercise lower my cholesterol first before you put me on a statin.
Speaker:Could we try doing this first so that that's something you can ask the doctor, what are
Speaker:the side effects and what is the cost?
Speaker:I mean, cost is very important, especially if.
Speaker:Although this may change now, that Medicare may be able to negotiate drug prices, but
Speaker:cost could be another question.
Speaker:Same thing with a treatment or protocol.
Speaker:If the doctor says you need surgery or something or some kind of treatment, I want I
Speaker:want you to go for a CT scan again as the same questions.
Speaker:What is this for?
Speaker:What is it going to show us?
Speaker:What will we do with the results?
Speaker:What does it matter what results we get?
Speaker:What's the worst that can happen?
Speaker:If I undergo this procedure?
Speaker:What could happen if I refuse or if I wait?
Speaker:Can I delay the procedure?
Speaker:So just come with questions.
Speaker:And that's that's a way of handling those kinds of things and ask if you're open to
Speaker:alternative methods.
Speaker:And then the other thing is, if your doctor, if you find that you're not getting the
Speaker:satisfaction about your condition that your doctor is giving, you think about getting a
Speaker:second opinion. Second opinions are really kind of important to get, especially with big
Speaker:situations. If you're going to undergo surgery, I would recommend, no matter how
Speaker:wonderful your doctor is, I would I personally would always want a second opinion
Speaker:just to make sure when something just doesn't feel right or you're going to get
Speaker:something big enough to increase the objectivity.
Speaker:Seek an opinion from a physician who's in a different practice altogether, because a lot
Speaker:of times physicians in the same practice have the same orientation toward certain
Speaker:things. So you might want to find a physician outside of that practice and get to
Speaker:find out if your insurance will cover a second opinion.
Speaker:That's also very important.
Speaker:And then if your physician objects to you finding a second opinion, ask why.
Speaker:Because I haven't found and I've gotten second opinions on things in my life.
Speaker:I've never found any of my doctors objecting to it.
Speaker:They would say, Sure, get a second opinion.
Speaker:Fine. They want to know.
Speaker:They would want someone else to confirm what they've said.
Speaker:Here's the interesting thing.
Speaker:A 2017 study by the Mayo Clinic found that when people got second opinions, 12% of those
Speaker:diagnoses were confirmed.
Speaker:88% of them were either new diagnoses or somewhat changed or modified diagnoses.
Speaker:Really?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:It might be to your benefit, especially when it's something very serious.
Speaker:You might just really want to get a second opinion.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And you know, even when you try to be a smart patient, sometimes you forget.
Speaker:You know, I was seeing my doctor a couple of weeks ago and I was in a lot of pain in my
Speaker:neck, and I'd been in pain for probably a year.
Speaker:You know, we've tried everything, right?
Speaker:So he said, Well, let's do an MRI.
Speaker:And I said, okay, let's do an MRI.
Speaker:And then it wasn't until I left the office that I thought, Well, what are we looking
Speaker:for? You know, and what if we find something?
Speaker:Then what do we do?
Speaker:So fortunately, we have an online MyChart.
Speaker:So I could ask to say.
Speaker:Yeah, but get on the portal.
Speaker:If your hospital or practice has a portal, get on your portal because then you could
Speaker:always email your physician or a nurse or the assistant or whatever and get those
Speaker:questions answered.
Speaker:Yeah, I know, because you may not remember in the moment.
Speaker:There's just you just want relief in that moment, right?
Speaker:So exactly.
Speaker:Yeah. For a good example to bring up.
Speaker:Very important.
Speaker:Yeah. So thank God they have those things now.
Speaker:Oh yeah.
Speaker:So I just, we have covered a lot.
Speaker:A lot, a lot, a lot.
Speaker:I'm just wondering if there's.
Speaker:Like two or three takeaways.
Speaker:Like if you just had to give us two or three things that we should remember.
Speaker:Going forward.
Speaker:What will.
Speaker:You say?
Speaker:Actually, what I would do is add the last three of my health tips.
Speaker:The I thought we didn't get to l t h.
Speaker:So the l is learn about your body.
Speaker:There are certain numbers that you need to keep track of your cholesterol, your blood
Speaker:pressure. If you have it, talk to your doctor about whether it's advisable for you
Speaker:to be taking your blood pressure at home.
Speaker:You can get a blood pressure machine and record it this way.
Speaker:When you go back to your doctor, you can show the doctor the list of all your blood
Speaker:pressure readings, and that can help you, Doctor, figure out if you're on a trend of
Speaker:getting better or may need to be put on a different medication, that kind of thing.
Speaker:So learn about your body, your body mass index, your a1c, your blood glucose.
Speaker:Are you pre-diabetic or do you have a tendency to a diabetes?
Speaker:That's very important for the doctor to know about, to take charge and control.
Speaker:You're calling the shots.
Speaker:You're the one that should be the focus of all the care.
Speaker:So, so.
Speaker:So here's the thing.
Speaker:When you and your doctor agree to a certain protocol or a certain medication, consider
Speaker:the fact that you've made this oral contract with your doctor.
Speaker:Your doctor has agreed to do X, Y, and Z for you.
Speaker:Now you have responsibilities to you need to be compliant.
Speaker:So if the doctor puts you on a med and says take it three times a day or every 6 hours,
Speaker:do it accordingly, fulfill the contract.
Speaker:If you find you have some side effects, let the doctor know right away you're having some
Speaker:side effects. A lot of times it's an alternate medicine you can be put on, but
Speaker:fulfill your responsibility.
Speaker:You have responsibilities too.
Speaker:So? So take charge and control.
Speaker:And the way to be in control is to be as responsive to the doctor as possible.
Speaker:Again, doctors aren't mind readers.
Speaker:The more information you give them, the better they can take care of you and then
Speaker:finally have vital plans in place.
Speaker:Do you have a living will?
Speaker:Do you have a health care power of attorney?
Speaker:There are some things called there's something called a POLST form physician
Speaker:orders for life sustaining treatment.
Speaker:Every state has its own POLST form that's filled out by a doctor.
Speaker:When you have a very serious medical condition as to what to do in case of an
Speaker:emergency for you, which is different from a living will, by the way, and then discuss
Speaker:your wishes with your doctor.
Speaker:I have my my living will and my my living will is kind of extensive because I attached
Speaker:a list of things to it.
Speaker:But my doctor's office has it, the hospital has it.
Speaker:My my health care power of attorney has it.
Speaker:So discuss your wishes.
Speaker:And so, so plan ahead.
Speaker:Plan ahead. You may feel great now, but there may come a time you're not feeling so
Speaker:great. So plan ahead.
Speaker:I like that. That's.
Speaker:So take responsibility for yourself and your care.
Speaker:Right. Have your vital plans in place and learn about your body.
Speaker:Yeah. You know, it's so easy to just look it up that if you ask me what my cholesterol and
Speaker:my HDL and LDL were right now, I'd be like, Oh, well.
Speaker:And we don't we're not expected to know those numbers.
Speaker:You can only find those out when you have a lab test.
Speaker:But if you know you haven't had a cholesterol test done in three years, you
Speaker:might want to say to your doctor, I haven't had my cholesterol checked in three years.
Speaker:Can we check it? Can we have it?
Speaker:I would bet a doctor who knows that you haven't had a test in three years will audit
Speaker:that test.
Speaker:I would bet. I would bet.
Speaker:Yeah, I would bet.
Speaker:Thank you so much, Jeanette.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:This has been wonderful.
Speaker:As I shared her website, if you have questions for Jeanette or she is an extensive
Speaker:writer and has so many resources out there on her website, it's Jeanette G.
Speaker:A and iti li d l e a r d i and I mean it is a wonderful
Speaker:resource. I would encourage everybody to go check it out and connect with Jeanette
Speaker:wherever you connect with people on the on the internet.
Speaker:Super, super intelligent and caring.
Speaker:Woman Thank you so much.
Speaker:Oh, Wendy, this was such a pleasure.
Speaker:You have such great questions.
Speaker:I, I think it was, I hope was very informative to people.
Speaker:Oh, I'm sure our keep our spirits up.
Speaker:It's great to be old.
Speaker:It really is.
Speaker:That's right. Great to be old.
Speaker:Especially when we can try and take care of ourselves and advocate for ourselves.
Speaker:Yeah. So just a couple of reminders to encourage your friends to check out.
Speaker:Hey, Boomer, they can go to Hey Boomer biz, which is my website.
Speaker:They can connect there.
Speaker:There's a connect with us button there where you can get on to the email list and find out
Speaker:all about what we're doing here and all the wonderful speakers that are coming up.
Speaker:You can also register for the Costa Rica webinar, which is tomorrow.
Speaker:I would love to have as many of you on this trip as we possibly can.
Speaker:It's going to be so amazing.
Speaker:You can also always drop me an email at Wendy at Hey Boomers Babies and please check
Speaker:out our sponsor Road Scholar.
Speaker:It's road or a scholar dot org slash Hey Boomer.
Speaker:We are so grateful to them for their support of the work that we're doing here.
Speaker:So let me tell you about next week.
Speaker:Next week it's going to be me.
Speaker:You're just going to have me next week and I'm going to be talking about social change
Speaker:from the perspective of the changes that we went through as boomers changing society and
Speaker:how millennials and Gen Z are looking at changing society because of climate change
Speaker:and because of the longevity that they're looking forward to.
Speaker:So, you know, it's a thought provoking discussion I want to have with how do we
Speaker:start to bridge the differences and bridge the gaps, instead of saying the millennials
Speaker:blaming the boomers and the boomers blaming the Millennials, let's stop the blame game
Speaker:and find ways to communicate and work together and be stronger together.
Speaker:So that's going to be what I'm talking about next week.
Speaker:I hope you can join us for that.
Speaker:And I always like to leave you with the belief that you can live with courage, live
Speaker:with relevance and live with passion, and remember that you are never too old to set
Speaker:another goal or dream a new dream.
Speaker:My name is Wendy Green with Jeanette Liard.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:Again.
Speaker:Thank you. And this has been.