Embracing Mortality: Conversations about LIfe’s Final Chapter with Kimberly Best

{{d-episode-number}} In this episode of “Hey, Boomer!”, host Wendy Green is joined by special guest Kimberly Best, RN and founder of Best Conflict Solutions LLC, to discuss the important topic of embracing mortality and opening up conversations about life’s final chapter.

Together, they delve into the significance of having important documents in order, making decisions regarding end-of-life care, planning for one’s legacy, resolving conflicts ahead of time, and so much more.

Wendy pulls from her personal experience, to share compassionate questions and insights in her conversation with Kimberly.

Kimberly draws from her extensive experience as a nurse and mediator to shed light on the importance of these conversations and the impact they have on families and loved ones.

Join Wendy and Kimberly as they explore ways to normalize and improve the perception of end-of-life, making it less negative and confusing.

Episode Takeaways:

1. The importance of having important documents in order.

2. Decisions to consider and things to think about when it comes to end-of-life care.

3. Planning for one’s legacy and memorial ceremony.

4. Emphasizing the importance of relationships over material possessions.

5. The significance of discussing difficult conversations with family or friends regarding end-of-life care and resolving conflicts ahead of time.

Contact information:

– Connect with Kimberly Best on social media:

– Website: https://www.bestconflictsolutions.com/

– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberlybestmediator/

– Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bestconflictsolutions

Email Kimberly at kim@bestconflictsolution.com

Call to Action:

– Become a member of Boomer Banter2 kicking off on October 17th at noon EST. Sign up at https://buymeacoffee.com/heyboomer0413.

– Support our sponsor, Road Scholar whenever you consider travel. Check out all the adventures at https://roadscholar.org/heyboomer

– Support the work of the Alzheimer’s Association by making a donation to the Hey, Boomer team. Donations will be open through December. Help support families living with Alzheimer’s and contribute towards potentially eradicating the disease.

Email wendy at wendy@heyboomer.biz


Wendy Green [00:00:33]:

Hello, and welcome to the Hey Boomer Show, the show for those of us who believe that we are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream. My name is Wendy Greene, and I am your host for Hey Boomer. And this, this weekend was gorgeous. A beautiful fall day. The Hey Boomer team here in Greenville went on the walk to end Alzheimer's, And I'm so proud of everybody on that team. We exceeded our goal. We had set a goal of raising $2,000. We exceeded that.

Wendy Green [00:01:06]:

There is the opportunity to continue to support our team through your donations. Those are gonna be open in through December, And I will post the link on where you can do that, on the Facebook page so that if you want to support us And support the work that the Alzheimer's Association is doing to, you know, support families living with Alzheimer's as well as hopefully Eradicate the disease one day. But I bring this up because not only am I proud of the effort of the Team, but also because today's show is going to be about end of life conversations. And these conversations are so important, and you want to have them sooner rather than later. Families that are suffering from both physical and mental decline of loved ones, and and then they've been left in the dark about what their loved one wants, their suffering is now even greater because they don't know what to do. They wanna do the right thing, but they don't know what To do. So my goal for this show is to normalize these conversations And to nurture the relationships that you have in your life so that the end of life becomes Another normal thing that happens, but it becomes less less, negative, You know, less negative because you don't know what to do. So take a moment now.

Wendy Green [00:02:45]:

Text a friend. Let them know that we are going live with this topic and you recommend that they join or share The link to the show later so that they can either watch it on YouTube or catch us on the podcast, which should be available by tomorrow. So let me just give you an idea of what we're going to talk about today. We're gonna talk about Some of the documents that you want to have in order, you know, that's something that we all, need to pay attention to, and surprisingly, a lot of people haven't Taking care of that. We're going to talk about some of the decisions that you want to consider and and maybe even some of the things that you haven't thought about. We're going to talk about how you want to be remembered, your legacy, and planning your memorial ceremony or a Celebration of life. We're going to talk about the importance of relationships and How they are really more important than all of the things that you have. And we're going to talk about How these types of conversations with your family or with your friends who are going to be caring for you at the end can be difficult and how you can resolve some of those conflicts ahead of time.

Wendy Green [00:04:08]:

So my guest today is Kimberly Best, And I'm really looking forward to talking to her. She has so much knowledge on this. But before I do, I, I wanna thank our sponsor, Road Scholar for their support of Hey Boomer. Road Scholar is the not for profit leader in educational Travel for boomers and beyond, and they offer expert led adventures in all 50 states and over 100 countries. Learning with Road Scholar is my favorite way to travel, and you know that. I've already shared some of my trips with you, but you can find the amazing collection of educational adventures on their website. Visitroad, roadscholar.org/ Hey, Boomer. And be sure to add the slash hey, boomer so they know that you heard about their their travel experiences from this show.

Wendy Green [00:05:04]:

The second thing I wanna do is invite you to become a member of the 2nd Boomer Banter. The Boomer banter is an intimate gathering of members. We cap it at 25, so the 1st banter is closed. And we dive into captivating topics, and we engage as a group. And then we break into breakout rooms to dig even deeper into the topics, And then we come back together and share some of our learnings with the bigger group. We build friendships. We build camaraderie. We build our knowledge, and we forge lasting connections.

Wendy Green [00:05:44]:

We really do. So this Boomerbanter 2 will have its 1st inaugural meeting on Tuesday, October 17th. We're going to meet at noon EST. And then from then on, we will also be Meeting on the 3rd Tuesday of every month from at at 12 noon. It's an hour meeting. So I hope that you will decide to join us. We would love to have you in our group. You can join by going to buy me acoffee.com/heyboomer 0413.

Wendy Green [00:06:27]:

Like I said, it's a limited membership group. So if you want to be part of this group and build friendships all over the country and gain knowledge and have fun, Come on and join us. We would love to have you. It's buy me a coffee.com/heyboomer0413. Okay. I want to invite Kim on now and give you a brief background.

Kimberly Best [00:06:56]:

Hello, Kimberly. Hey, Wendy.

Wendy Green [00:06:59]:

Thank you for being with us

Kimberly Best [00:07:02]:

today. I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you for having me.

Wendy Green [00:07:06]:

Sure. Give me just a minute to do a brief bio on you, and then we'll get dig in. So Kimberly Best is an RN. She has her MA, and she's the founder and visionary behind Best Conflict Solutions LLC. Kim's journey has taken her from her roles of ICU and ER nurse to her work as a civil mediator and family mediator. Her skill set extends to health and elder care mediation, civil and business mediation, and personalized Conflict coaching and consulting services. Kim currently is serving her 3rd term on the board of the Tennessee Association of professional mediators, where she leads as the chair and the president. Kim's commitment to professional growth shines through her active membership in groups like the Association of Conflict Resolution Elder Mediation Professional Development Group, that's a mouthful, and Mediators Beyond Borders International.

Wendy Green [00:08:15]:

She also wears the hat of chair for the American Bar Association resolution membership committee contributing significantly to the field's development. Kim is the author of the book that we're going to base the interview on today, How to Live Forever, A guide to writing the final chapter of your life story. And in this book, she talks about end of life issues, Navigating Challenging Decisions, Celebrations of Life, Sharing Your Legacy, and Fostering Positive Relationships. I really have appreciated the opportunity to read this book, Kim. And you started off with a story where you're sitting at the bedside of a patient in ICU who's close to death. She's alone, and you're holding her hand, and you feel strongly That no one should die alone. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

Kimberly Best [00:09:15]:

Yes. For me, it's, it's where the idea of our life being our Story began and also it was the 1st step in the passion that I have that every moment matters. So I'm a 19 year old registered nurse, with my 1st patient who who died and she didn't have family there. And and I did believe that no one should die alone, I didn't know her in any conscious form, but I sat at her bedside And I was just wondering, about her life and what stories she had and what secrets she had. And, You know, I literally had the vision of her as a book closing, like not her literally, but the picture of a book with the ends closing and the Story ending, and the ironic thing about that was for the next decades in nursing, every time I was with somebody who was dying. I had the same thought of their story coming to an end. So I and and that motivated me in a lot of ways. Again, that passion for, we have now, we're writing our story now and every moment matters because we have no idea when the end of that story will happen.

Wendy Green [00:10:34]:

And you were only 19 when

Kimberly Best [00:10:35]:

that first. I was. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Wendy Green [00:10:39]:

Wow. So, You know, talking about end of life is is difficult for people, and I'm wondering what you've seen in your experience both as an RN and, you know, as a mediator. What you've seen the impact has been when people don't have those discussions?

Kimberly Best [00:11:02]:

Well, the range is huge. You know, I know for me as a nurse, sitting in the place of hospitals or, intensive care units And watching families struggle with decisions that are literally life and death and putting people through Things that we shouldn't put people through because of the fear of letting go. And then and then in my work as a mediator now, the unresolved conflicts between families not having these Decisions made. I mean, it ends up in court and, when people end up with families in court, the likelihood of them ever reconciling any of their differences is huge because that process is so acrimonious and yeah, it all could be avoided By really well done conversations, and by well done, I mean that they have to be, very detailed And very clear and have buy in on the people who are going to be standing in that space, when you need

Wendy Green [00:12:10]:

Yes. So I want you to go a little deeper on some of what happens in the hospital. You know? I've had I had a friend who's, I mean, her mother was terminal. She was going to die. But the doctors kept saying, oh, there's We could do this one more treatment, and, you know, and she might live another month. And the Struggle the family went through, the guilt the family went through. Mhmm. I know you've seen a lot of that.

Kimberly Best [00:12:40]:

I've seen a lot of that and, I have a very, very dear friend whose own husband just went through that And the same thing happened much to my absolute horror of, you know, well maybe if we try this and maybe if we try this and then watching The torture was for not only her, but for him because he was so unstable, they couldn't give pain medicine And he was clearly uncomfortable. And for her now, that is the picture she has, you know, of the end of his life. And, you know, we make the best decisions we can in those moments, there's absolutely no doubt about that, but part of it stems from The not knowing, not being clear and that's partly on medicine's fault, there's no doubt, but we have to ask, you know, what does this mean And I also think we have to really shift the focus from being alive and having a loved one to someone's that loved one's Quality of life because there's a difference between being alive and

Wendy Green [00:13:48]:

living. Say say more about that.

Kimberly Best [00:13:50]:

Well, you know, being alive means you can be on a lot of monitors and a lot of medications and, You're supportive, you're life support and you're and you are alive, but living means that you have decided what quality of life is worth Fighting for to that degree, what you're willing to go through in order to maintain a certain level of health and wellness That is where you want to be and where after that, where the level is, where it's okay to let go and begin the process of You know, closing your own book the way you want to instead of through some, you know, torturous process that just buys you a little more time.

Wendy Green [00:14:32]:

So I think part of the problem besides it being difficult is a lot of us don't understand the medical Impacts of some of our decisions. So for instance, if I'm if I'm, you know, in a very Tenuous state and chances of survival are very low. One of the decisions may be, you know, well, don't, give fluids. Right? And so I'm I may think, yeah. I I don't wanna just linger. I don't wanna linger, but then The family may go, but, you know, you're like, she's gonna be so thirsty. Like, how can you do that? That just seems cruel. I mean, how do we make ourselves knowledgeable to make these decisions?

Kimberly Best [00:15:19]:

Wendy, I think that's a beautiful picture and a very real one. I think I mean it's hard to watch somebody die, it's it's it's a beautiful sacred thing, I always say it's beautiful too, because you recognize The sacredness of it in the ending of someone's life, but it isn't easy and it's tough to be easy, you're right about the fluids, We could always moisten someone's mouth and lips, right? But as far as, yeah, stopping that kind of Stuff can mean someone dies sooner. I I realized that with the wonderful advances in modern medicine, We live longer and we can have a higher quality of life, but that living longer like everything comes at a price and the price for that is that it's harder and it's taking longer to die. And that matters not only to the folks who are dying, But to the family, the loved one, the caregivers as well. So I think just you know, recognizing, the trade off is part of it too and and maybe having a realistic view of, what that process looks like, The end of life. So there's no guarantee, right, every is different, but it is somewhat predictable And just having that conversation ahead of time, you know, I I know this is likely not to be a fun thing to watch, But this is how I want it to look and it's okay, it'll be okay. I met with a woman, about a year ago who said, She had a terminal illness and she said, I probably won't will not be alive this time next year and she said, it's harder on my family than it is on me And I think, I think that's fair and true. It is hard to let go of someone we love.

Kimberly Best [00:17:12]:

It is, But I think if we know we're doing that on their terms, it makes it so much easier and also to the extent we Start understanding that death is a normal part of

Wendy Green [00:17:25]:

life. Right.

Kimberly Best [00:17:25]:

And when I think when we do that, we live we can live more fully because we're not Pretending it's not going to happen, we know it is, and, you know, then we know every moment matters that we're here.

Wendy Green [00:17:40]:

So how would you start the process of of even I I guess I guess I'm thinking of it in 2 ways. Like, do you start the process yourself By thinking about what measures you want to be, applied to you to be kept alive, Or do you start the process with a conversation with the family or with your spouse? Or where does it where is the best place to start?

Kimberly Best [00:18:06]:

Someone was telling me the other day about a book called, something like death conversations at dinner, death over dinner or something, which I haven't seen that book. I heard it

Wendy Green [00:18:16]:

It's not a it's a group. It's not

Kimberly Best [00:18:18]:

a book. Right. Okay. I thought it was based on a book. Okay. Very good. Yeah. I think, where do you start? I think that's Probably a personal thing, a lot of people start with the legal process, oh, we need a will, you know, can start the conversation, And with the will, the legal document that comes with that or, partner to that is the advanced directive And I think that's the part that people really get stuck at is we go to an attorney, we have a will, we have an advanced directive and we think we're done.

Kimberly Best [00:18:51]:

But statistically, half of the people who are executives of will don't know that they're responsible for somebody's end of life. They haven't even been told, you're the person who's gonna carry out my end of life wishes. So, it's the following up with those conversations and then with advance directives, it's often around, do you want, life support? And at the point you have life support, you know, you're you're pretty far along in your dying process and, There's there's a really big space between being healthy and where you are now and needing life support that also needs decisions made. So, that's how people who are older and you know I'm maybe 82 years old, I'm confused to some degree. I know my life is ending, but I'm in a hospital with a cardiac problem and they want to take me to bypass surgery. And, you know, the family who hasn't had that discussion may say, go ahead and take them. Right. Right.

Kimberly Best [00:19:56]:

But just knowing and making it okay to die with dignity, may make for a different decision.

Wendy Green [00:20:06]:

I'm glad you brought up the advance directive because I've I have been confused about that. So say, for instance, I have the advance directive, And I suddenly have a heart attack. The ambulance takes me away, but my my executor or my power Health care power of attorney is not here. They don't know what my wishes are. So how do I Protect myself from them trying to do you know, keep me alive if that's not what I wanted.

Kimberly Best [00:20:38]:

Yeah. That's that's actually hard and, especially if, like, 9 911, if you have emergency response, They answer to the hospital orders. It is not a legal document that's as they do, so the advance directive is legal document. And keeping in mind, I'm not an attorney and I'm not an expert on these legal documents, it is something that happens. I don't have my advance directive where I may or may not go to the hospital, and what if they don't know that I have that, what goes on in the meantime Between that very, very much maybe the first response is to save you if there's not someone there which is something we have to address. Now some there are apps now on your phone first, Advanced directives to make them easier to access. I met a lady, couple weeks ago with a brilliant idea of having armbids So have a marker document here.

Wendy Green [00:21:38]:

Oh, that is a good

Kimberly Best [00:21:40]:

idea. Brilliant idea. And yeah. And then there's also another document that most people don't know about and, it is The physician scope for, orders and it is something that the hospital will respond to, If they run across that document, it's it's called the POST, physician order for scope of treatment, it is when that you and your doctor agree that if something happens to me and first responders come, I have a physician's order that says How much I do or don't want done. Now, people do that often if they know they have a terminal illness in a limited amount of time, the doctor will help them have that So that first responders aren't treating them, but that's a document most people don't know about. It is not a legal document, it's a health care document.

Wendy Green [00:22:32]:

Okay. Okay. Yeah. And I know my mother has a DNR listed posted on her refrigerator. So

Kimberly Best [00:22:38]:

Well, let me just say that the important thing about having a DNR means that if her heart stops or she stops breathing, they will not resuscitate her. It does not mean at all in any legal form that they won't do everything they can Up until the point her heart stops. So, when you described how people are you know, doctors are saying well, we'll just do this, we'll just do this, that's Space between being very sick and your heart stopping where we have to address what we want done in that space.

Wendy Green [00:23:12]:

Right. There's a question here. Have you heard of the group Compassion and Choices?

Kimberly Best [00:23:18]:

No. But it sounds like a lovely group. I'm a big fan of both of those

Wendy Green [00:23:23]:

Thanks. Okay. So how do you address you know, we did a show last week That was about estrangement, and and I know that you've seen that in some of the Families that you've worked with, how do you help families resolve these kinds of conflicts where, you know, The sister is saying, oh, no. We cannot let mom suffer ever. We're gonna do everything, and mom and the father are saying, This is mom's choice. Mhmm. How do you resolve how do you start that conversation of resolving that?

Kimberly Best [00:24:03]:

That's such a common one too, And that's this, first of all, I would just want to say that's important why when you make these decisions, you make it very clear to all the, we call them Stakeholders in my field. Everyone who has an interest on the outcome of this should be very, very clearly informed. I do sit in that space as a mediator, and make it safe to have conversations. I mean, it's just So common to have opposing, thoughts on that moment and it comes from a great place sometimes of love and surprise and you know, I'm just not ready to let go and someone and sometimes the healthcare folks are really good in this, particularly nurses of Helping the person slow down enough to see what is going versus their response, but To answer your question about when the conflict is big enough that people come to me, the process is confidential. It's not about blame, It's about trying to find a way forward that works for everyone, so it's a facilitated conversation where people can say what they need to say, and find a way forward together that works for both. I wanna Wendy talk about the estrangement real fast though because it is such an issue now, And it's also a really big issue that I'm actually speaking on this at a national conference for mediators in just Tomorrow, because it is an issue for families who have estranged someone, someone's outside of the family and they won't let that person and see the loved one to say goodbye. Oh, that's so common. I had a physician contact me in that circumstance with a sister who he was, estranged from, so I think, The writing the story, like, is upset as you are with that person that, you have left out of your life, doesn't mean that the person who is dying doesn't need to say goodbye to.

Kimberly Best [00:26:13]:

I mean, I think it is cruel to not let someone Have that moment no matter what you feel about them. That's a very common problem.

Wendy Green [00:26:25]:

I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah. So so the writing the story, Kim, you talk about that writing the story and Kind of leaving your legacy. I want you to tell me about that, and then and then tell us what you do with that Story. You know? Like, do you read it out loud before you die? Do you share it with your will? I mean, what do you do with that story?

Kimberly Best [00:26:50]:

That's such a great question, so I believe that we're living our story every moment and Everything we do is part of our legacy. So how I treat the person who, you know, rings my doorbell today, The interaction I have with everybody continues on as part of my legacy that I don't know, But to literally leave your story for your loved ones, it's like 96% of people prefer a story over something willed My grandma's gnomes. They don't want stuff. They want your story. And, it is clearly a tie between the past and the present. Having a story that bridges both the both of those things. There are lots and lots of ways online to do that. Lots of products For writing stories, you can videotape stories.

Kimberly Best [00:27:43]:

I know during COVID, people did Zoom calls and recorded those, so they would have those as legacy gifts. But I always promote, something that, there's nothing in it for me to promote, but it's just a fantastic product called story worth, which is you can purchase with your group of people if you want a story worth packet, which you gift to someone or you do it for yourself and every week, they will send a question to that person to fill out on the computer, if they can't, someone can Do it for them via their words. You can change the question to be asking specifically what it is you want to know as well. And then at the end of the year, they put this book together in a hardback book that is beautiful and you could submit Pictures as well, so you literally have the story of someone's life that you can put up on a bookshelf and You know, that could last

Wendy Green [00:28:46]:

forever too. Yeah. Because I was thinking about that. I was reading, you know, your book, and I said, That's kind of a cool idea to write my story. And then and then I was thinking, well, would I want to record it as a message to my kids? You know, would I want to leave it with the will so they find it later? You know? I don't know. But it it's something to think about. June came back and said Compassion and Choices is a group that works through legal issues in states That makes it legal in those states to use palliative care only and allow a person and their families to not use medical machines and Treatments designed to extend life with no penalty to the doctors who agree to palliative care only.

Kimberly Best [00:29:35]:

I I can speak to the difference which I when I talk on my book, I speak the difference between hospice care and palliative care Because they have similarities and that they're geared toward comfort, both of them, they're geared toward family support, they're geared towards Supporting, the medical process, but palliative care means you are still having a level of treatment and you get to decide that level with comfort. It's not going to be probably as aggressive as some of the treatments that are, you know, brutal like radiation or some types of chemo or You know, a big surgery or something. So, there are physicians, who specialize in palliative care. A lot of times you're in the hospital for that as you can be at home, but hospice care is usually at home, but they both give a lot of Support with a gearing toward comfort for the patient.

Wendy Green [00:30:32]:

Okay. Alright. Kathy says her aunt Rosemary did the Storyworth project, and she has her book now while she's still alive. And so she really felt it was great to get to know her and appreciate her now. I know. So that's Very special.

Kimberly Best [00:30:50]:

It's a very cool thing, and you talked about, well, should I record it or whatever? I'm I was smiling. I can't smile outside Because I have Bell's palsy right now, but I'm smiling on the inside thinking about, you know, you can be as creative as you want. I I wrote in the book a story, someone someone put little notes inside of the things they oh, their desk. And even where it came from, this desk came from aunt May back in, you know, 1900 or whatever, and my family did that as well. I received a vase that, my grandmother had written something. It's stuck inside. It was the only written thing I had. But all of a sudden, that thing became so important because my grandmother had written something and put it in.

Kimberly Best [00:31:34]:

So the sky's the limit, Creative wise, how you want to leave, you know, written or, recorded message of you.

Wendy Green [00:31:45]:

So much what I'm getting from this, Kim, is is the compassion and the love that comes from Having these conversations and sharing these kinds of messages and and taking the time yourself to think about it, This weekend, I went to a funeral for a friend, very dear friend, and And it turned out to be a celebration of life. And I went in with lots of Kleenex thinking, boy, I'm gonna be a mess. And the way the stories they told stories again. The stories they told and the scripture they read, and It was absolutely a celebration of life, and it was so beautiful. And and you share some stories about that in here with with prompts and questions. So how how do you recommend going about Creating a celebration of life.

Kimberly Best [00:32:45]:

I recommend sitting down and having that discussion and really thinking it through. I my friend whose husband died had 3 grown sons and her family is hilarious and we're all sitting there at the service listening to stories and laughing and crying at the same time, and I will never forget that service. I think you'll never forget the one that you just described, but I also have intrigued with, one of the readers, a man wrote me that his wife had died And, she had a living celebration of life. She had a feeding tube that was keeping her alive and when she recognized that she didn't have quality of life and it was just keeping her alive. They called together her family and friends. She got to hear all the nice Things that people say about you rather than, you know, be dead when everybody's talking about how wonderful you are, and, got to say goodbye to folks. And, when the celebration was over, the feeding tube was discontinued and she died shortly after that. He had so much peace, like, he felt like he gave her a beautiful goodbye.

Kimberly Best [00:33:56]:

Wow. And, I mean, I like that idea of, like, Bringing people together and actually having a moment, and I know we gather around hospitals and dying people sometimes, but, you know, before that, when there's still an opportunity To to give whatever message that you want to give, it's pretty

Wendy Green [00:34:14]:

cool. Yeah. In a way, we were able to do that with my dad when he went into hospice care at home. He went into hospice at home. I can't say enough about hospice and how wonderful they are and supportive of the Whole family, not just the patient. Just amazing. You you mentioned or I mentioned at the beginning, you know, that that we we We think about our legal documents, right, our will, our health care, power of attorney, power of all that stuff. But what we don't think about sometimes are the Other things like the pets.

Wendy Green [00:34:52]:

And right? And you had mentioned there were Some things that we just don't even think about. Can you give me some idea?

Kimberly Best [00:34:59]:

Elaborate on that? I actually came up with, like, Two pages of things in my book, and people were writing, well, there's this too. You know, passwords to computers, Any kind of paper, insurance papers, insurance documents, Military documents, let's see what else passcodes into anything that's locked like a safe. Having the pay scores in a place where people can access, but I actually put a very extensive list on there. That's a lot of work to put together, But it's a lot easier than folks after you're gone having to find out all those things too. If you're looking it up. Yeah. It's a lot, right? Like it's a lot. It's the people you are notified.

Kimberly Best [00:35:51]:

It's, Yeah. The care for pets, yeah. You probably will find it faster

Wendy Green [00:35:59]:

Well, and and like you also So talk about, you know, writing your own obituary and doing things like that. You know? Because, again, that's just one less thing for your Family to have to do, and you get to say what you want to say.

Kimberly Best [00:36:15]:

Yeah. My thought around that, you're absolutely right, and say something to them if you'd Like, the the whole thought around the end is it's still our story, it's still ours, and Someone a a client told me once, you know, how I end my story is how I'll be remembered. People will remember that celebration of life or that hospital, experience. I think that makes it even more important besides you have to live through that, also that it is Writing our story, and I feel like we're so purposeful in so many areas of our life, but we just let this kind of slip to chance. And there isn't room to do that because the cost for letting all these end of life things go to chance is just brutal For family and loved ones and for us.

Wendy Green [00:37:09]:

Mhmm. Absolutely. You do mention in here the the 5 wishes document, Which I love. Would you talk about that? Because I think that's another thing that everybody should take the time to go through.

Kimberly Best [00:37:23]:

Yes. There's 2 of them. I don't remember the second one, but 5 wishes is 1, and the reason I like that is because in that space between CPR and up walking around, there are those other decisions and it's very very clear. They've gone into a lot of detail Around things that you want to think about and talk about, and they do it in a compassionate way, but, it also Brings out and reminds us of the things we don't think and talk about. We don't know what we don't know. Right? So Right. This spells it out Super well in terms of detail and again, you can fill out the booklet, but until you have the discussion with Everybody who's going to be left, not just the person who is your power of attorney because they will be fighting the other people Because they're not going to necessarily take their word for those conversations, but if you have the conversations, let people ask questions, Give their 2¢ whatever it takes, when that time comes, people do let it Happen naturally and you can't take away the pain of the loss, but it makes it so much easier because you know that someone's wishes are being honored.

Wendy Green [00:38:42]:

A compassionate thing. You know, I as I'm recalling some of the things in the 5 wishes, it's like, you know, if my lips are dry, You know, I want you to keep my lips moist. I like this kind of music. Can you play this kind of music for me? You know? Just I get cold. Can you make sure I have enough warm blankets? You know? Just things that if you can't speak anymore, It it helps those around you know how to care for you. Yeah. So My let's see. June says we are doing that.

Wendy Green [00:39:19]:

Accounts, passwords, etcetera. It will save stress from overwhelming confusing. Yeah. Absolutely. We're putting together Notebooks, which have some of that stuff in it that you talk about the and your book has been Helpful in you know? Oh, right. The insurance documents, the the, military documents, the marriage and divorce Or yeah. You know? All of those things have to be thought about and in there. So what has been your greatest experience from writing this book and this story?

Kimberly Best [00:39:59]:

I think, I never grew up wanting to be an author and writing a book. This still awes me, My book has been out a couple of years and I'm still pretty amazed because it brought full circle, what I've witnessed With so many people, whether the health care side of that and the physical dying side to the conflict side, the decision making side, What happens when people, are purposeful and what happens when they're not, it just brought everything that I've done Since I was 19, kind of full circle, and that's just amazing to me that, You know, to be able to do that, it it wasn't intentional. It just happened.

Wendy Green [00:40:46]:

Well, it's it's truly is a gift. It's, you know, it's it's An easy book and not an easy book. Right? How to live forever, a guide to writing the final chapter of your life story. It's It challenges us in some ways to face some of those fears and concerns and the fact that we are all we're dying from the moment we're born. I mean, that's just kind of the process of circle of life. Right? And so if we can accept that, and then In all the ways that we've been caring for our family all these years, this is the final way to care for them is to make this plan and make it clear. So your work is very important, Kim. I really appreciate what you're

Kimberly Best [00:41:32]:

doing. Thank you, Wendy.

Wendy Green [00:41:34]:

Yeah. If you could give 3 takeaways to people on on how to get started either with gathering their information or having that conversation, what would you say?

Kimberly Best [00:41:46]:

Yeah, so I think, first of all, I would I would think about what might I regret If all of a sudden something happens to me right now, what loose ends do I have? What Undone, unsaid, things happen. So I I would look at it from being in that moment, what is still left to do and Write that down. And then I would also suggest thinking of really what you want your story to look like. I mean, if you visualize for a moment Your story from start to now to the end. I think those Those 2 things are really more than 2 things, there's a lot inside of those, but maybe write some stuff down with that. Wendy, it's amazing that after a funeral, People are so purposeful and, like, recognize the value of life. It, like, wakes us up. Oh my goodness, this could be us.

Kimberly Best [00:42:43]:

I'm going to Reach out to the person I didn't talk to, start calling more, do yoga, you know, all these things we promise ourselves and then we forget. I think this is a way to not forget. It's a way to keep every moment purposeful and you don't have to be able to die, that's the, you

Wendy Green [00:43:01]:

know That's

Kimberly Best [00:43:02]:

Yeah. It's not assumptions, like, oh, I have 10 more years down there. In my book, I'd I mean, I lost a 5 year old niece to a brainstem glioma and there's plenty of children's hospitals. I mean, it's you know, it's it's valuing life Enough all the way to the

Wendy Green [00:43:20]:

end. Oh, I like that. Valuing life enough all the way to the end. Yeah. And and valuing the quality of your life. That's right. Yeah. Great conversation, Kim.

Wendy Green [00:43:35]:

Thank you so much. I want to let people know how they can reach out to you and get more information or, You know, ask you any questions, find your book. So your web your your email is kim@best conflict solutions .com. And, again, the name of the book is how to live forever, A guide to writing the final chapter of your life story, and you can find that on Amazon or Barnes and Noble or anywhere, right, that you get your book. It's really a good resource for getting started in this process, so thank you for that, Kim. Thank you, Wendy. Yeah. I just wanna thank the audience too.

Wendy Green [00:44:22]:

I love seeing your comments and questions when you're listening live. There was Quite a bit of chatter going on in the comments today. Appreciate that, and I appreciate the comments that you leave when you listen to the podcast or when you leave A blog. We've also been having a lot of discussion in the Hey Boomer What's Next Facebook group. That's our private group. We're having a decluttering challenge going on there right now. And I also wanted to welcome Susan Bean, who is The newest member of the Boomer Banter, so we're glad to have you with us, Susan. Don't miss the opportunity To become part of the next Boomerbanter that is going to be starting on October 17th, We'll be meeting at noon EST, and you can become a member of that by going to buy me a coffee dot com / heyboomer 0413.

Wendy Green [00:45:20]:

And when you are thinking about travel, I strongly encourage you to think about Road Scholar. Road road.roadscholar.org/heyboomer. They have So many amazing educational travel opportunities, and you will meet the most amazing people on those trips. So please go ahead and check those out, next week. So next week, we're gonna be talking about mind shifts, and my guest next week is going to be a man named Eric Severson. Eric is an author, a public speaker, a course designer for the UN, and a mountain climber. He believes that everybody can choose to be extraordinary, and we can set goals that keep us motivated no matter our age. Eric has written several books with a theme of finding meaning, purpose, and belonging in our lives.

Wendy Green [00:46:14]:

And I know that you will find My discussion with him both inspiring and he's a very optimistic person. I like to leave you with a belief That we can all live with curiosity, live with relevance, and live with courage, and remember that you are never too old To set another goal or dream a new dream. My name is Wendy Green with Kimberly Best, and this has been Hey Boomer.

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