Staying Relevant as we Age

SA.

Hey there.

I have a question for you.

When was the last time that you felt like you really mattered, that you were really relevant?

I mean, if you think back to maybe when you were involved in the PTA and you took a leadership role there, maybe, and you felt like, oh, that was good, I mattered there at the school, or maybe it was when you decided to go back and get an advanced degree and that was really exciting for you and you felt empowered and like you made a difference and you mattered.

Or maybe it was when you got your last promotion at work.

But those of us in the pro aging movement, we hear over and over again from people in their 50s, 60s and 70s that they feel that they've become invisible.

The leaving behind your work and no longer having a title and co workers or even the routine, really, that's a big one.

It leaves many people feeling adrift.

And I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be that way.

In today's episode, Beverly Glaser, my friend and fellow podcaster, and I are going to talk about redefining ourselves with purpose and passion and how finding a sense of relevance has given us such a different outlook on aging.

It's not the outlook that society gives us that aging simply means decline.

We have found a purpose and a sense of relevance in the work that we're doing and the lives that we're living.

So welcome to Boomer Banter, the podcast where we have real talk about aging.

Well, my name is Wendy Green and I am your host and my guest today.

Beverly Glaser is a psychotherapist, a certified coach, an addiction specialist, writer and the founder of Reinvent Impossible, Inc.

Whose mission is to empower high achieving women to unlock their limitations, achieve their fullest potential, and lead lives of authentic purpose and fulfillment in all stages of life.

Beverly is also a former AM talk radio host and is currently the host of her own weekly podcast.

As I said, she's a fellow podcaster and her podcast is called Aging with Purpose and Passion, where she is redefining ageism one story at a time.

And as you listen to this episode, think about friends and family who could benefit from hearing some of the thoughts that we share, the tips that we share, the inspiration that we share, and then share it with them so that they can also learn and be inspired.

And I also want to ask one other thing from you.

Putting together this podcast as you know, is expensive and time consuming and so I am going to ask for your support.

Or you can join our membership.

And that is where we have two monthly meetings and we get to share and learn and build community.

So join me in welcoming Beverly Glazer to Boomer Banter.

Hey, Bev.

Hey there, Wendy.

As I was listening to your introduction, I'm nodding, I'm nodding everything you've been saying, because it is so true.

As women get older, I'm sure men too, but women a little bit different.

The children have left.

Perhaps the job has not been as inspiring because you've given up a lot of things in your life.

Perhaps Mr.

Wonderful is not so wonderful and he's left and there you are at 60 years old.

Then perhaps you've retired and you have a wonderful life.

But something is missing.

And what's missing is really.

And I've heard it so many times, I get up every day, I am so busy doing nothing.

I know.

I think that's huge.

And this is why, this is why I've never stopped.

This is why I don't feel.

Unless you want to stop.

I do it differently.

I haven't stopped, but I do it differently.

As you said, I have a podcast I work with from home.

I see my coaching clients.

It's amazing what's out there, but I feel, and I know from the clients that I coach that if you want, if you have a feeling in your heart that you're really not relevant, although you know, you are, you know that your grandchildren are wonderful and so are mine.

I need more.

Right.

You're one of those people.

Yes.

As of today, with podcasting, with the Internet, with being able to write a book with, all you need is a desire.

So true, so true.

So.

So let's talk about some of the people that we talk with.

You know, your clients and my membership people and my community.

You know, a lot of times we get in our own way, Beverly, we, we say things like, well, you know, I always wanted to, whatever, but, but I'm too old.

I can't do that now.

You know, and so how, how do you go about helping them change that belief that they can still do things, Maybe with some modifications, but you can still do things.

Yeah.

First of all, you can't tell anybody.

Yes, you can when they feel they can't.

Right.

But what I always say is, and.

And I'm going to just pivot a bit.

A lot of people also feel, Wendy, like, what is there for me to do?

You know?

And then you go back into that squirrely brain, which is going to say, yeah, but I'm too old anyway, or I've missed my time, or.

Or even feel guilty when you're talking to your friends because you have it all.

Like, why don't you just enjoy it, you know?

Right.

And then you feel guilty.

Like, you know, really, am I just playing greedy?

So where I start is, go back to the things you used to love to do.

And just last week, a specific client, when I was coaching her the same thing, she was saying, I still have my business.

I share it with my husband.

We're getting a divorce.

I want to sell the business, but, you know, all that stuff.

But now what?

Okay, so the divorce.

Yeah.

Is happening.

The business will be sold.

I will sell my house.

But now who am I?

So to go back to find out who you are, what are the things that you love right.

Before your life kicked in, before you became so busy?

Those are the things that you can go back to.

I think that's so important.

You know, I talk to people about that as well, because I think especially once we got out of college and we started working and then we had families and, you know, we put a lot of things on hold because we were so busy, we had to make a living.

We had to get the kids to school.

We had to, you know, all of the stuff we had to do.

And now it's.

It feels like I don't even remember sometimes, you know, you get into those places, and you know this.

I mean, you get discouraged.

You get into these places, you're like, I.

I just don't even remember.

And that's when I encourage my clients to take time to sit down and journal a little bit and try and recall.

Did you love playing the piano?

Well, you don't have to play it at Carnegie hall, but play the piano, you know?

Did you like biking?

Get on a bike again?

I mean, there's so many things you can do that don't just define, like, you as a working person.

So true.

So true, Wendy.

And just one other thing, because what happens is we start really getting deep down and dirty, saying things, well, I'm too fat.

I can't go back on that bike.

I don't want to go to the gym, because I really can't.

I don't look Young and trendy and hip, you know, all that kind of stuff.

Right.

And that stuff prevents us from exploring, and so we can always find something that we could do if we want to.

And I'm thinking of a story of someone who was.

Well, she's in my podcast, like you mentioned, one story at a time.

Changing.

Yeah.

The.

Really.

The lexicon, you know, because we do not have to wait because we're older and get off the treadmill unless we want to.

And we can slow down because our bodies will change, but we have every opportunity.

It's all about mindset.

So it's really that feeling that I don't want to just stay.

And I'm thinking of this story.

She's.

She was an influencer.

Money is no object.

Okay.

She was back in the day of being, well, here in Canada.

What is.

It's tlc.

It's a shopping network.

Right.

Okay.

Yeah.

So she was one of those shopping network people, and she was selling her stuff, and then it was all over.

Canada, the U.S.

you name it.

And then what happened is she developed cancer.

They bought her out.

And she said, well, you know, now I am officially retired.

And she said, now, you know, I have to fight my disease.

She was off for that entire year.

And by the end, when she was off, it's like going back to what?

And her story was, when she thought of going back to what, there was nothing.

And so what she did was she said, I am bored.

I cannot not do this.

And she said, I used to be there selling my stuff on the shopping network.

There's podcasting out there.

I'm gonna be a podcaster.

Is that right?

She's in her 80s.

Okay.

Wow.

Yes.

Okay.

She said, okay, I am going to go out there and I'm going to learn podcasting.

And that's the mindset.

Because when she started, she said, you know, it's totally different, but I can learn it.

What a great story.

Yeah.

And it's one story at a time.

And all of us, when we get hit on the head.

This is why I love aging with purpose and passion.

When I'm.

Of course, I'm passionate.

As I'm talking.

I know.

We have no lack of that, do we?

When you're passionate about something, something, it gives you a reason to get up in the morning.

It does, it does, it does.

So let me.

Let me.

Let's get a little more granular and.

And let's talk about purpose.

Like, I think our purpose changes as we go through life.

And.

And talk to me as a.

You Know, a psychotherapist and a coach, like, why is purpose so important besides just getting up in the morning?

It's fulfillment.

If we all need to do something that makes us feel good.

And I have to tell you, you know, we even have studies.

I'm not going to get into all that other stuff.

You know, it's not about a lecture, but there are people that are very happy.

Gardening, taking care of children, doing whatever.

That's wonderful, right?

Not everybody has to have this marvelous sense of purpose or have a podcast or, you know, we're not talking about that.

What we're talking about is you have to be satisfied.

Exactly.

And if you're happy, you know, doing what people would say is nothing.

Okay, great.

Because it isn't nothing, it's something.

It is something and it fulfills you.

But we all need to feel fulfilled.

And so this is where that sense of purpose is so important.

You know, if you're fulfilled by just, ah, I'm retired.

I did not like my job.

Now I have an opportunity to talk to my friends, etc.

But if you're a crazy driven woman like I am, then you will do that too.

And you need more.

But you know what?

Building those relationships with your friends gives you a sense of fulfillment and a sense of meaning.

Growing that garden, figuring out, you know, where things go, fighting those darn pests in the weather, that does also give you a sense of fulfillment.

So I think we get hung up with the whole idea of purpose with a capital P, you know, but it can be multiple purposes and purpose with a small P.

And it's that sense of fulfillment.

I think you, you absolutely nailed it with that word.

But the thing is, you have to feel that we matter.

And that's the community.

Yeah, that's people around you.

And that's.

It can be also with what you do, because if you're pushing yourself, I can give you every single story in aging with purpose and passion.

I really can.

But I'm thinking right now of Kathy Tarconi, who, as you know, if you've been following any social media on LinkedIn, she's establishing a community that is a dream for her.

It's an over 55 community, women only and their dogs.

And there's a reason for that.

It's because when she had to leave her apartment and find somewhere else, no dogs were permitted.

So this is a community that she's building.

And unfortunately, at 78, she has all kinds of health issues.

And she was just four weeks ago pretty well proclaimed that she wouldn't live till the end of the week.

Seriously.

And she is still pushing, and she is still working as hard as she possibly can.

That's where the purpose and passion comes in.

Yeah, that's inspirational.

And that's definitely the passion that's pushing her.

Yeah.

Yes.

So to have a reason, you know, the French say, you know, a purpose for a belief.

I have to finish that book or I have to finish those little booties for my great grandchild.

Whatever it is, it has to be a mission.

It can't just be just another day.

Yes.

Those are the people we're talking to today.

You know, those are the people that.

It doesn't have to be like that.

It doesn't.

And.

And I think that some of the studies have also shown that when you feel a purpose and you feel like there's a reason to get up and you have meaning in your life, you live longer by.

You know, not everybody.

Right.

We can't guarantee that.

But the studies have shown that people that feel relevant, that feel like they have a purpose, live healthier, longer lives.

Because you're not just sedentary, you're not just sitting there wondering, well, is it lunchtime yet?

You know, what am I going to eat for lunch?

Oh, God, you know, like, no, you have.

You.

You might even miss lunch because you're so involved in what you're doing.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah.

You know, and so when we talk about relevance, it's really about, you know, staying active and having that sense of community.

So whether it's the golf community or, you know, or any community, the mahjong community that you may have adopted, as long as you start to feel that I matter, they need me.

I'm a contributor.

You can volunteer, but also you can build a business.

You can pivot, you can change.

Because just as I was mentioning, you know, we're online, we're on YouTube, we're everywhere on LinkedIn, you know, everywhere.

And today, all you have to do is click a switch, find people.

People that can help you, people that can inspire you.

It is so easy today, but we have to take our squirrely little minds and say, I have to reach out.

And once you do, your whole world changes.

Well, you know what?

And I think that's a really important point you made about finding people to help you.

I mean, you know, we are in a collaboration group, right.

And part of that is to help.

I mean, there's.

There's a lot of podcasts talking to women who are aging and wanting people to feel that you're still important and Relevant.

And we all have different audiences.

And so we thought, well, let's collaborate and let people know, oh, there's other points of view, there's other ways to look at it.

There's people that are talking about travel and people that are talking about health and people that, you know.

So I think reaching out for help and finding those resources is so important.

And I mean, do you find, Beverly, that sometimes people are ashamed to ask for help?

Yes, of course.

You know, I've always say, and I even say to my clients, particularly those that are struggling, that you've just taken the hardest step, making the call, reaching out.

But it's not threatening because what happens is we all have to reach out.

When you're talking about the collaboration group, I know what I know, you know what I, you know, everybody knows something different.

And so when we collaborate with each other, we grow stronger.

Yes, we spread our wings.

And that's the same thing.

When you're hiring a coach.

A coach isn't someone that's going to tell you what to do.

You already know what you have to do.

That's right.

You may not know how right now.

But you know, you know.

Yes, you do.

Yes.

And so what it is, is to get you from what you know to what you feel you can do.

Click, click.

Then it happens.

And when it's a collaboration group or whether you're working with someone coaching or in a coaching group or anything like that, you'll learn from each other.

And once you learn from each other, you empower each other.

And so when we're talking about aging and we're talking about resilience and we're talking about continuing, it really is about empowerment.

Because when I'm saying or thinking, oh, I'm too old and someone else will say, well, yeah, you're older than me, but look at all the arthritis I'm carrying.

Whatever it's like, you can start to say, okay, I'll go with the H.

You know, it's like.

Well, and I think the other thing is you find out you're not the only one.

Right.

We talk about all of these things because so many people are, are questioning and dealing with these self limiting beliefs and these, you know, things that hold them back.

I want to tell you a quick story also about my mother, who is 94 and is living in a senior living community and she just recently moved in to this new apartment and she was feeling adrift.

At 94, she still felt this need to be useful.

We, we need to stay healthy to keep our minds active.

To somehow get involved.

So she started looking around and she, they have a little library there and she found that she could volunteer at the library and she is now doing that couple of days a week and she just feels so much better.

You know, her energy level is up on those days and it's, it's amazing.

And it's not amazing because you and I know this Beverly.

From the work that we do.

Staying involved, having a meaning and a purpose makes a world of difference.

Exactly.

No matter how old you are matter and no matter.

We have to feel that we have relevance and to find it.

And there's so many ways to find it today.

As you know, Wendy, there's so many ways.

Even if you're housebound with online, even if you're living in a community of a large condominium association, get involved and everybody has value.

And that's what I think everyone should remember.

You say, oh, you know, I didn't get my degree or yeah, but that person's a lawyer.

You know, every single person has a strong suit and a weakness.

And it doesn't matter what you've attained, it really is who you are.

You may be able to just be helpful and be able to just have ideas or not even have ideas.

Be supportive, whatever it is you can give to whatever community there is something that you can give.

So don't ever think you have no value or I'm too old.

All you have to do is want to.

So tell me how first of all, how you got started in podcasting and what, what that gives you in way of fulfillment and purpose.

Oh, that's so great.

I'm so glad you asked that.

I love it.

Okay, well, first of all, years back, as you did mention, I was a talk show host on AM radio station and it was Get a Life with Beverly Glazer.

And I was on on air for five years, which is a pretty long running radio land.

But Beverly Glazer needed a life.

It was every single weekend.

You have to be there when it's in ratings etc, etc.

And when I said yeah, that I wanted to travel more and you know, Hasbro was more working in the states and in, you know, I'm in Canada because of licensing and all that stuff.

So what I did was I said, you know, okay, maybe I will slow down, which I did.

And so they gave me the night line, which was exhausting.

You have a day job and a night job.

Oh yeah, that would be tough.

We don't have a life.

So I said, okay.

I continued building my practice, etcetera like you were saying, life kicks in.

Right.

And with COVID of course, I closed my office and was able to.

Because of no restriction.

Because we have all kinds of restrictions as a therapist to be able to get into the coaching sphere, which is what I was doing.

And I always loved talking on air to people.

And when you're working and when I say to people, I am talking to you, which is wonderful.

Right.

But when you're in a studio, you don't even know you're talking to people.

Right.

People call in, but you're there with your microphone, your producer, etc, etc.

I knew nothing about podcasting.

And so I did all the reading and research and, you know, did what I had to do, fell down a thousand times, but nobody really knew because I didn't put it up on air.

This was me until I realized, and I said, what am I going to talk about?

Because.

Because I don't want to be that therapist on air giving up, you know, information.

Yeah.

But what I did realize through all my journey with everyone is every single woman that I've spoken to men to.

But a woman, okay, holds up the family, holds up the job, holds up the community.

What happens to her when she gets older?

It's like, and now what?

For me.

And so through different stories, what I was looking for was comeback stories, reinvention stories, stories of the second life, if you will.

Right.

Second act, if you will.

So, you know, it's what empowers us to keep moving forward and onward.

What is that?

And as I listen to more and more stories, every single story empowers me.

I.

I am in awe.

Hurdles that women, 50 are babies, okay.

60, 70, 80, and so on, have gone through in their life and come up so much stronger.

So that is why when we talk about ageism, put us in a block, as if, oh, you're too old.

It's like, no way.

So what podcasting does, Wendy, it opens it up to everybody.

And that's what I loved about radio.

But, you know, what with YouTube and everywhere right now on this live show.

Yeah.

Reaching more people than I was able to reach in a studio, that was just focusing, you know, without.

Yeah.

Because that's the way the world is today.

So we never know who will be affected.

We never know who will be listening.

We don't.

We don't know.

But if we touch just one person.

Right.

The podcast.

Just one.

Okay.

We've made a difference.

And isn't that awesome?

And so that's why I love podcasting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a lot of what I love about it as well.

I also, I guess I've.

Well, I think you said it, but it's, it's the meeting of some of the people that we bring on our shows.

You know, now I'm not just telling stories.

I'm also doing a lot of educational kinds of shows, but I'm learning every time I talk to somebody.

And I'm so curious.

I think you have to be curious if you're going to be a good podcaster.

But I'm so curious about the ways people are approaching life and the different things that we should be thinking about as we're getting older.

And, you know, sometimes it can feel overwhelming and so you take baby steps to do some of it.

But I think like you said, you know, if you can reach just one person and, you know, I think that's part of why we ask, please review and let us know what you got from the show because it helps us.

I mean, we.

Right.

We're self directed in a lot of ways.

Beverly, you and I are both very self motivated and self directed.

But I think it's so nice when you hear from somebody and they say, oh, gosh, I really.

That made a.

You made a great point on that.

I really appreciated what you said about that.

Yeah, yeah, that, that is.

It's the feedback, you know, and it's good feedback or bad feedback, it honestly doesn't matter because it helps us in every single way.

It's like those Amazon reviews.

Some of them are good, some of them are bad.

You take what you want, you know, but what you're doing is if somebody's motivated enough to make a review, that is enough.

That is enough.

That is enough.

Yeah.

And it helps us figure out what we want to talk about next, too sometimes, you know, because they're like, well, you didn't give me enough information on this story.

And I don't know, I listened to your last one about.

With the woman who used to be a nun.

Oh, my goodness, she, she told a great, inspiring story.

And she goes from being a nun to working at Microsoft.

Like, how do you do that?

Exactly.

And, and every story is.

It just blows me away.

Here she's been working there, she's in her 60s.

She has no intention of retiring.

And, you know, and because she was a nun, mindfulness is what nuns called contemplation, but basically it's mindfulness.

And what she's doing is she's writing books on mindfulness and teaching executives.

You know, not just mindfulness, but I'm sure she's such an asset to those very, very busy, stressed out people in Microsoft.

I mean, there's a place for all of us somewhere.

But what she had, Wendy, was the persistence and determination because she didn't want to be on the street when she had.

When she left the convent because of health issues, she felt there was no alternative.

It's like, now what?

Now I am going to, you know, whether she's teaching divinity, it's not going to help her get her very right.

So it's all termination.

So when we go right back to saying to people, you know, which we did, this is really up to you, what do you want?

And so in a story like that, the message really is if you're determined.

She sent out 42, you know, resume.

Yeah, right.

And on the 43rd, she got one appointment.

Didn't know what she would be getting, if anything, but was determined to work at Microsoft.

Can you imagine?

Okay, that's amazing.

Yeah.

And got a job only because of her will and said, I don't know how long I'll last, but I'm going to give you my all in anything that I get the opportunity to do.

Oh, who would say that?

You know?

Right, right.

And I think those are the stories that help us believe that it is possible.

You know, I love the.

I love the word impossible, which really, if you break it up, means I'm possible.

I think that's brilliant.

So do you ever get to where you feel down and tired and like.

Oh, God, more show, you know what?

All the time.

Okay, so what do you do about it?

What do I do about it?

I just.

Well, I don't last long.

Okay.

It's like, do I go with the one more show?

No, I don't really get down on that.

What I do get down on, of course, is another day.

Right.

And, you know, and it's, you know, the specific clients I see, the different issues that we go through.

My clients inspire me.

No question.

But what it is, is, yeah.

When you are working, although it's all my choice, of course, you know, it's.

You are working.

So you always say to yourself, hey, I'd like to just maybe take time off.

Like, why am I doing this?

I think we all come to that, you know, like, why am I doing this?

Right.

But it doesn't take me long in that space to say, and when you look at your whys, my reason, okay, is the reason I'm doing that.

It makes me feel alive.

It makes me feel like I'm contributing.

But we always have our up and down days.

This is normal stuff, you know, and I always have the option, and so do you.

Do you want to quit?

Who's to stop me?

Right?

That's right.

Your show is your show, your clients.

Right.

But, you know, I want to, and I thrive on it.

And it's the same when I'm doing groups.

Do I need to do another group?

And there are 5,000 people, and they sleep coming in.

It's like, are you serious, Beverly?

Why?

Why?

Because it matters to those people.

And they get up every day and they talk to each other as friends, and you just say, wow, you know, how nice.

Yeah.

And so for me, it's.

It's a lot of giving back, but I thrive on that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But sure, we have our down days, Wendy.

All of us, every day, you know, particularly now we're here, you know, in December, it's lovely, but the snow is coming down, and sometimes it's not so white.

And so today is a gray day.

And that's when you say, hey, I'd like to go visit Wendy.

Have a cup of tea.

I know, I know.

I mean, I do little tricks with myself, too.

You know, like I'll.

I have little inspirational signs right over the coffee pot.

It says.

It says, oh, get up this morning and tell yourself, I can do this.

You know, so that's before I'm even opening my eyes.

I can see that.

And sometimes I'll journal, or sometimes I'll do some exercise or just something to get myself going.

A warm shower is the best.

I love my warm shower in the morning.

And I do some great thinking there always.

Yeah, I know.

So we have our own little tricks that we use to.

To get ourselves going again when it's gray outside or we don't feel good or, you know.

Sure.

But, you know, the wonderful thing about it for me is everybody has their stuff.

Right.

But for me, if you have a purpose, you're not thinking of that.

You're just going into what you have to do.

Yeah.

That's like your mom, if she's going to be, you know, living with a lot of complainers or people that are of all kinds of aches and pains, she doesn't want to start focusing, focusing on that.

She wants to be helping.

And here's the library.

So I have to be down at the library at that specific time because, you know.

Right.

And helping.

Helping is so important.

So let me tell people how they can find you.

As I said, your podcast is called Aging with Purpose and Passion, which is also the name of the website where they can find all of the podcasts Aging with purpose and passion.com and then your coaching website is reinvent impossible.com why impossible?

Because when you start thinking of what you want to do or may do, or may not, you you really think it's impossible and it's so you're reinventing impossible possible.

That's great.

That's great.

So I'm going to put those in the show notes and so appreciate what you shared today and hope that people will go and check out your podcast.

Really some wonderful stories and rate and review Beverly's as well as Boomer Banter.

Next week is going to be my last show for this year.

It's going to be a solo episode and we will continue our talk about purpose.

And so if, if you recall, we've talked about purpose with Nita Sweeney and how she used movement and mindfulness to overcome depression.

And then last week we spoke with Carol Oarsborne about aging, spirituality and self compassion.

And of course, today's episode was all about purpose and relevance.

I really appreciated the talk with Beverly, but I'm going to be talking about exploring dreams you may have put on hold, as we mentioned, hobbies you have and some steps you can take to find your purpose in your later years.

Thank you so much, Beverly.

This was so much fun to get to chat with you.

I wish we were sitting on the couch with our tea, but this was fun talking to you.

Thank you much.

Have a wonderful holiday and a good 2,025.

You too.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Oh, I don't.