Time Matters: New Purpose – Refreshed Boomer Banter

A couple of months ago, I wrote something on my sub stack, Thriving through Time with Boomer Banter, and I called the episode the truth.

I don't want to admit about time with my mother.

I had stopped podcasting and switched to writing substack articles when my mother moved in with me.

But I have missed talking to you.

So hi.

Hi, I'm Wendy Greene and this is Boomer Banter.

For almost six years now, this show meant a new guest every week, real talk about aging well.

But now it's going to look different.

I'm going to do shorter solo episodes about what I'm actually living through, caregiving for my mother.

And the bigger question, which is finding purpose at this stage of life.

And today is the first of these and I am looking forward to being back.

So this is how that substack article started.

I was getting dressed one morning, listening to another podcast, and the guest said two words that really got my attention.

She said, time matters.

And I felt it that uncomfortable recognition.

Because here's what I'd been telling myself.

I'm losing 30 minutes of my morning routine.

Now that mom lives with me, losing, like time with her is the cost of something more valuable.

When I wrote that article, I'd lived alone for more than 15 years.

15 Years of mourning.

So well run.

I could set a clock by them.

I would get up early, read journal, exercise, shower, and then at breakfast I'd be reading my email, solving a wordle.

I felt so productive, efficient, and the time was mine.

So when mom moved in and started sitting across from me at the table, I had this ticker tape going in through my head of everything I wasn't getting done.

And underneath that, something I didn't want to admit in the moment, never mind put in writing, that I was resenting that time.

I felt terrible.

I was looking at 30 minutes of breakfast, 20 minutes or so at lunch, my own mother.

And here I was counting up the time it was taking away from the me time.

So in that article I asked myself a hard question.

What if the life I thought was so productive was just really a well organized way to avoid being present?

And that's where the piece left off.

I was trying to figure out why I was feeling resentful and what was the problem there.

So that was two months ago and here's an update because I think it's important to tell you when things shift, not just when they're hard.

I write a lot about that on my sub stack, but I wanted to tell you about how things are changing and how I'm evolving.

So breakfast is better most mornings.

Now I can just be there, and mom and I talk about the birds.

We talk about those darn squirrels that are stealing their food.

And every morning she'll ask me about my plans for the day.

And most days, my answer is usually, well, I have some work to do, Mom.

She may get a call from one of my siblings as I clear the table.

But you know what?

I'm not missing that reading time of my emails.

I'm not missing that time to do the wordle.

I find a little time to do that during the day.

But now I can be there with her.

And I want to be honest with you about the part that still hasn't become easier.

It evolves around food, how much she eats, what she eats.

I still struggle with that one.

Mostly, I manage to keep my mouth shut about it, and that keeps the peace.

But not always.

If you're caregiving for a parent, you already know exactly the kind of moment I mean, the thing that you can let go of and the things that apparently you cannot.

No matter how hard you try, no matter what you're learning, sometimes they're still pushing your buttons.

But here's the bigger thing I want to walk back.

In that article, I asked whether my productivity was a way to avoid being present and reading it again.

Now, I don't think that's quite right.

I think my productivity was feeding my sense of purpose.

Being a podcast host, bringing people something valuable every week, that was the work that made me feel like I mattered.

I was learning.

I was sharing what I was learning with you.

It was an important six years of my life.

So the real question isn't was my productivity there to avoid being present?

It's what happens to that sense of purpose when the time you put in it goes away?

It's a question a lot of people ask themselves when they retire.

They suddenly don't know how to fill that time that they used to fill with work.

Well, I was suddenly finding that I didn't have the time to put into podcasting, and I knew something was missing.

So here's where I actually am today.

My purpose right now is divided.

It's divided between caregiving.

It's divided between caring for my house.

It's divided between time with my partner, and it's divided between time with writing my sub stack.

And I love writing the sub stack.

That's really been an outlet for me.

It's been difficult because it's been very raw and vulnerable, but I feel like it's reaching a lot of people, and I'm glad for that.

And I think I'm becoming a better writer every week.

But I haven't put out a new podcast episode in a while, and I miss it.

I don't miss the production schedule.

I don't miss that part.

But I miss the part where I'm building something with you.

A podcast feels more connected, like I'm talking with you.

So here's the plan, and I am sure it's going to evolve over time.

I'm going to put out shorter solo episodes.

No more trying to do this the old way.

Six years of weekly guest interviews, all the research that goes into that, then the writing the interview, recording the interview, editing the interview, putting it out.

That's full production.

And that model just does not fit this season of my life.

But a shorter solo episode every so often, that fits.

So I'm picturing two threads.

Some of these will be about the caregiving journey, the real, current, unresolved version of it that I am working my way through and learning from.

And some will be about something that I care about just as much, and that is helping other people find their own sense of purpose, especially as we enter into this stage of life when we're asking those hard questions about what do we still have to offer?

So this episode is actually doing both of those things at once.

It's talking about caregiving, and it's talking about purpose, and it's talking about doing it in a shorter podcast format.

And it feels like a good place to start.

So here's what I'm asking of you with this episode.

Will these shorter solo episodes be of interest to you?

This one's probably 10 minutes.

Maybe some of them will be 15, 20 minutes, but no more than that.

And also, where do you feel like you may have lost your purpose?

Or maybe you didn't lose it completely, but you just don't know where to channel your energies these days.

I know it's a broad question and the answer will be different for everyone, but if you let me know, I can put together an episode that will be helpful to you and to others.

Because when we hear about someone else's challenges so often we say, oh, yeah, I know exactly what she's talking about.

So that's it for today.

Shorter than episodes you were familiar with.

And that's kind of the point.

If you want to know more about what I am thinking about, check out my substack at Thriving Through Time by Boomer Banter.

And if you're caregiving or rebuilding your sense of purpose.

Or maybe both.

I'd love to hear where you're at with it.

I'm Wendy Greene.

This has been Boomer Banter, and I look forward to being back and talking to you again soon, Sam.